What's Your Dream Career

Ask any kid ages four through 10 what they want to be when they grow up and they will give you no less than five answers. They are full of imagination. They are full of promise. They are completely unaware of any limits. The sky is the limit.

Ask any 30-something what they want to be when they grow up and mostly the answers are full of, “I don’t know.” I get it. We put all kinds of limits on ourselves, and before we know it, we can put ourselves in a very small box of possibility.

Often times we wake up on a Monday and ask ourselves, “Now what?!” Whether you’re in a career you thought would be a dream, but the reality is more of a nightmare, or if you “fell into” a career that makes you look around and say “Who’s life am I living?” (I’ve been there, done that, too!), there are a few things you can try to help you get back in-line with your purposeful and passionate career.

Ask yourself the following: What would you do, if you lived without the fear of disappointment?

Really, so many of us don’t follow our dreams because someone told us it was crazy. Maybe it was a parent, maybe a teacher, maybe you started to doubt yourself. If you could do anything, and know that no one would feel anything but pride in the sheer fact that you are following your dream, what would that be?

·         Maybe you’ve always wanted to teach art? Maybe you’ve dreamed of snorkeling the barrier reef? Maybe you want to teach hip-hop dance or be a baker? Or, maybe you’ve always dreamed of being the next Oprah (not that I know anything about that dream). Write down what your dream job is, and then own it!

·         After you own your passion, then I want you to write down any and all excuses you can think of as to why you can’t do it. I mean get it all out.

·         Done? Now, take that paper and destroy it! Burn it, shred it, throw it, do whatever you need to do to get rid of it.

·         Now, grab a new piece of paper, and write out a new list of not why, but how it can happen. List the big and small steps you would need to do to start seeing your dream job become a reality. Let’s say you’ve always wanted to be a baker. Do you have to rent a kitchen, open a store-front, and pay thousands of dollars for advertising all in one week?

Absolutely not! Maybe, you could just start by baking your signature cupcakes and taking them to a fire station with a thank you note. Maybe you could post a picture of your cupcakes on Facebook to let your friends know how much of a cupcake queen/king you are. You can start somewhere. Start with the easiest, and keep moving.

One of my other favorite exercises is to set a timer (2-5 minutes), and write down all of the things that people thank you for or tell you that you’re good at. Then, reset the timer and write down things you think anyone can do. Please don’t censor yourself… there is no such thing as something stupid or not “career-worthy”. (Note: I made a ton of extra cash in college pet sitting for people when they went out of town. Anyone could do it, but I actually did it.)  Anything is possible.

Use both of your lists and look for common threads. Do you get acknowledged for having amazing handwriting, and think anyone can write well? I have terrible handwriting, so if you have amazing handwriting, totally own it! See if there might be a way for you to monetize that skill. People pay good money for someone to beautifully address wedding invitations, or create hand-written pieces of art. Do some research, and see if there is something you can do that’s based on something you’re:  

1. Good at,

2. Like to do.

Then start doing it. Again, don’t over-think this, just get going. Regardless of where you are in your journey, it’s never too late (or too early) to start to discover your passion and turn that into a career. Yes, it requires some work. Yes, you’ll have to dig a little deeper, and do some serious soul-searching, but I promise you, it’s totally worth it!

So, tell me, what’s your dream career?

Kind is not a four-letter word

I’m an observer. I love nothing more than to sit back and watch things unfold. I like to see if I can predict outcomes by simply objectively observing. I studied Anthropology because I loved the idea of gaining understanding through observation. Because of this, I have a pretty keen ability to read people and situations. I can gauge actions, reactions, best approaches, and pivot my engagement for success. Because of my training, I’m always surprised when I see people walking into a proverbial lion's den of emotions without being prepared for it or without knowing how to best manage the energy.

I see this happen in all kinds of places: shopping, at the doctor’s office, etc., but where I see it illuminated most is in workplaces. Most of the time I want to run in and scream, “Just be Kind.” I know we all have a million things going on in our lives, but if we became intentional about our kindness, we could not only improve our daily interactions, we would improve our lives. Kindness separates the good from the great.

A few weeks ago I was in a meeting with someone who really wanted to get their point across. Their approach was to take a hard-nosed, serious approach. They sat in this meeting and appeared to be scowling at anyone who asked a question or wanted additional information. As I sat there, I debated on if I should slide a note over that just said, “Relax. Be kind. It will be okay.” I didn’t, but as the meeting progressed this person’s approach became even more disconnected from the outcome for which I’m sure they were hoping. By the end, the individual was yelling, and everyone else had completely shut down. Why could they not see the impact their attitude was having on the meeting?

I’ve been lucky enough to work with some amazing individuals who are leaders in various industries. I learn a lot from these leaders; with every interaction comes a deeper understanding of what makes them great. The traits I admire most in leaders are those who deliver fairness, strength, and effectiveness, while being kind. Here’s why: A few years ago, a boss told me I was too kind and that trait would cause me to be less successful as a leader. It shocked me. How could being kind diminish my ability to lead? I’ve always considered it one of my strongest attributes, yet this individual saw it as a weakness.

Kindness just means to take into consideration the other individual(s) in the situation. Could you imagine how our daily interactions would improve if we all operated from a place of kindness? I’m not suggesting we all become Disney characters and smile and nod our way through life. There is a difference between being kind and being nice. Kindness is being helpful, humane, or considerate. Niceness is always being agreeable or pleasing. You may not always agree with someone, but you can always be considerate of them and their perspective. You may not always be “pleasing” to others, but you can still treat them humanely and be helpful.

Kind is not a four-letter word. Kindness is not a weakness. Kindness doesn't mean silence or not speaking your truth. Kindness does not mean that everyone will agree with you or vice versa. Simply, kindness just means you give a damn. Not just about yourself, but for others as well. Kindness can improve our humanity, and we seem to be in desperate need for a dose.

Think back to a situation in your own life where if you had chosen kindness, the outcome would have been improved for the better. I challenge you to intentionally incorporate kindness into your life and see how it changes.

Lessons From the Grave: Forgiveness is Healing

This week is the anniversary of my father’s death. Although he died years ago, and I never really knew him, this week always reminds me that my life could have been very different.  This year feels much different than any other year of him not being here because I’ve done the work to actively, and almost daily forgive him for not being here.

My father committed suicide.

It’s a tough topic to talk about, because I know it makes people uncomfortable. Heck, it makes me uncomfortable. The reality is that there are millions of people in this world who are surviving the suicide of a loved one. There are millions of people who suffer from mental illness (1 in 4 adults in any given year). There are millions of little girls who, like me, will grow up without a parent, due to this mostly ignored killer.

I get it, it’s not a “sexy” topic. There are no celebrities out campaigning for suicide awareness. There’s a stigma, because people truly believe that it’s a choice. Yes, suicide is a choice, made from the very bottoms of the depths of despair, but mental illness is not.

Here are some sobering statistics from the National Alliance of Mental Illness:

• Suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in the U.S. (more common than homicide) and the third leading cause of death for ages 15 to 24 years.

• Although military members comprise less than 1 percent of the U.S. population veterans represent 20 percent of suicides nationally. Each day, about 22 veterans die from suicide.

• Adults living with serious mental illness die on average 25 years earlier than other Americans, largely due to treatable medical conditions.

• Mood disorders such as depression are the third most common cause of hospitalization in the U.S. for both youth and adults ages 18 to 44.

• Serious mental illness costs America $193.2 billion in lost earnings per year.

What the statics can not show is the impact that mental illness has on the family. My family was forever changed when my father died. We are a much stronger family, but still a family with a pain that subtly taints every aspect of my life.

This year is different. I decided that I could no longer hold on to the anger I both knowingly, and sometimes unknowingly continued to carry with me. It was not longer a place I wanted to live. I thought I could continue to carry the guilt, shame and anger I felt with me for the rest of my life, or I could forgive him.

Forgiveness is hard when you feel like you’re missing out on the perfect life. It hurts when you see friend after friend walk down the aisle with her father, and you feel the knife of shame dig a bit deeper in your heart. You want to shout at the top of your lungs, “DO YOU KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU ARE”? Forgiveness is hard, but continuing to carry the weight of someone else's decisions seemed even harder.

I realized during the course of the last year that what I was really angry about was the idealized version of what I dreamed my life would be like if he were still here. That my family would be the modern day equivalent of the Huxtables. I would dream that were he still here, we would still be living in sunny California, and I’d be an actress. What I realized was, I was not mad at my father, I was mad at an alternate life that was never meant for me to live.

We all have alternate lives. Had we made one decision instead of another, the whole course of our lives could be different. So instead of holding on to a made-up life, I began to appreciate my real life more. My real life is the life I was meant to live for reasons beyond my knowing, but I was given the gifts of strength, resilience, and compassion that may not have been cultivated if my life turned out different. I was given the gift of a family whose unwavering support may not have been tested, and strengthen if my life had turned out different.

Let me be clear, I’m not saying I’m happy that my father died. I am saying that being thankful for the life that I have, with all the twist and turns, good and bad, allowed me to find it in my heart to forgive someone who broke my heart and changed my entire life.

The road to forgiveness is not pretty, and I don’t want to make it seem like it was just easy-peasy and wrapped up in a bow. It can be painful. There were many tears. There was screaming at the top of my lungs. Even as I write this, my heart is racing, and I fight back tears.  It is a journey.

What an amazing lesson my father taught me, in fact it may be the most important lesson I have ever learned… Forgiveness. Even when it’s hard. Even when it seems impossible. Forgive for yourself, and learn to filter the other person’s actions through the lens of compassion and love. Your life will be better for it.

If you or someone you know is suffering from mental illness, know there is help and more importantly hope. National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255.